Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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