Michael Bay diarrhea
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
