i'm lost and i look like a hooker
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My bed smells like the plague
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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