So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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