I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
