Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
