Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
