Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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