I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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