i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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