doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
