Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
