was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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