We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
