I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
