If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
