lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Found your dick twin last night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
