Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
