it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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