dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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