Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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