He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
