i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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