i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
