i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
