yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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