I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
