Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
