you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
