It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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