I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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