So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
