Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
