Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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