oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
