Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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