so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
