Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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