well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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