can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i've created a new STD.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
