He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
