The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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