guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
