its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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