I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
