Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
