Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
