funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
