Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
