You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
