I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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