yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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