Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize