I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
