she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drake has all the answers
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
