It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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