Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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