oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
