My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
