WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
