i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
