She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
