I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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