I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize