I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
