too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it because I queefed?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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