Sponge bath it is.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
