dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
