Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
