So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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